If I Said I Love You
by LovingEmerald
Summary: A face-off with Caroline's father leads Damon and Elena into an even messier confrontation of their own. Based on 3x04 - ignores all episodes after that.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own TVD or any of these charcaters. Only the plot and the words are mine._

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><p>"What is <em>wrong<em> with you?" she hisses, pulling him away from the bloody scene. They're at the Lockwood mansion, in the library. Caroline is hunched over her father in the corner, holding him as she feeds him blood. Elena can see her red eyes burning, and she can feel her anger from all the way across the room. Why did Damon have to do this?

He stands in front of her arrogantly, not a trace of regret on his face. Just blood. A single line of blood trailing down his chin. She should feel disgusted by his appearance, but she doesn't. It reminds her of the bar in Georgia, when they'd been doing shots all night long.

_"Aww, do you need a bib?" she'd asked him teasingly, seeing the vodka dribbling down his chin. _

_He'd wiped it away with the back of his, giving her a mock glare. "I'm sorry we can't all unhinge our jaws like a snake to consume alcohol," he'd replied sarcastically, reaching for another one._

_But this is different_, she reminds herself. This is _blood. _More importantly, it's Caroline's dad's blood. For a moment, she is more disgusted with herself than him for losing sight of that. What kind of a person was she becoming if she couldn't even be offended at his careless predation anymore?

He cocks his eyebrow at her, but says nothing. She narrows her eyes, and goes on.

"Have you lost your mind? Why would you do this, Damon?" she demands. "He's her_ father_! We've talked about this. You can't solve your problems by just_ killing_ everyone who pisses you off!"

He leans in, the same cocky expression on his face she's seen so many times before, and says: "Watch me."

She pushes him back, frustrated by his lack of response or remorse.

_Why is he acting like this?_ She wonders. He's been so good for the last few months...

"Ugh, stop it! Stop acting like this, Damon. You've been doing _so well _lately," she says, changing tactics. If tough love fails, emotional blackmail will have to do. In the background, she can see Bill sitting up. Caroline's blood must've worked. Car is kneeling beside him, and though the veins around her eyes have disappeared, her eyes are still crimson. She looks conflicted between staying with her father, and ripping shreds into Damon. Elena gulps, afraid of the inevitable confrontation.

"You need to apologize to her, Damon," she whispers, giving him a light push. "_Go!"_

His eyebrows knit together at that, and he scoffs, walking around her and into the hallway. She throws Caroline an apologetic look and hurries after him. Why did he have to be so difficult? It was like dealing with a child, sometimes.

She grabs his arm when she reaches him, and he lets her turn him around to face her.

"What do think you're doing?" she asks him. He still has that arrogant, devil-may-care attitude on him, and she wishes she could smack it right off. But that wouldn't be right, and she decides to restrain herself. She won't let him push her that far. She would be in control.

"This is Caroline, Damon. She's your_ friend._ And that man, that you just attacked, is her father-"

"I know who he is, Elena," he snaps, annoyed by her constant reminders. Couldn't she just leave him in peace for once? He was tired of being her constant fixer-upper. "In case _you _weren't listening, he attacked her. He tortured her. And he threatened to do it again! He threatened _me_!"

He moves towards her, but she stands her ground. She wasn't going to let him intimidate her. Not today. She's lost a fight already that week - lost a Salvatore brother, to be precise - she wasn't about to give up on the one she had left.

"Or is that what you want?" He sneers at her cruelly. "Do you _want _me to die, Elena?" he asks softly, stepping so close now that she has to take but one step for their bodies to collide.

"You know perfectly well that's _not_ what I want," she snaps, her voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. Her mind involuntarily drifts to the night two months ago when he _had _been dying and she shakes her head, forcing the memory out of her mind. This wasn't the time, or the place.

"Oh?" he says in mock surprise, tilting his head to the side. "Well then, you understand why I did it." He shrugs and steps back, as if closing the matter. Of course, it's far from over.

"What? No! I _don't _understand!" she says, indignant. "You didn't have to attack him, Damon. You could've talked to him, negotiated." He rolls his eyes at her, clearly annoyed by her persistence, but she keeps at it. "What if he had died, Damon? She would've never forgiven you!"

"She would have thanked me, eventually," he boasts.

"No! She wouldn't have, and you _know _that! Stop acting like none of this matters, Damon. It _matters _and you know it_."_

She steps forward, reaching down to grip his hands in hers. "You're better than this, Damon. There's good inside you; I see it," she says, her voice almost pleading.

He scoffs again. "Whatever happened to liking me 'just the way I was'?" he throws at her.

She sucks in a breath, unprepared for that. They usually didn't mention _that night_ or _that conversation._ It was the biggest, pinkest elephant in the room, but Elena was more than happy to ignore it. And she was determined to continue doing so. At least for now.

"_This_ is not who you are. You're better than this, Damon," she repeats. "Be the better man I know you can be."

_Be the better man... just like Stefan is. Was._ His mind adds the last part, but he thinks it's true nonetheless.

He looks angered now, and snatches his hands out of her grip.

"Stop doing that. Stop saying it," he snaps. "This is who I am, Elena. I am _not_ good. I can't _be _better. I am NOT Stefan!" he shouts the last part. The house is quiet and his voice reverberates off the walls.

"Don't bring Stefan into this. This has nothing to do with him!" she frowns. Why did he always bring that up?

He throws her a disbelieving look. "Of _course_, it's about Stefan! All you've ever done is try to _change me_ into being like Stefan! And now that he's gone, and you_ finally _see that he's not coming back, you've stepped up your efforts."

He advances on her, his voice thundering now. "But get this straight, Elena: I am NOT my brother. I am a _vampire. _This is my nature, and by Jove, I am _not _one to repress it."

"I know that-" she protests, but he goes on.

"You've asked me to stop feeding on random people, fine! I've done it! I've risked my neck for you; I've changed my ways... I've gone _above and beyond _for you as a friend. But if you want someone to replace my saint of a brother, you best start looking somewhere else. I will _not_ be filling those holier than thou shoes."

He's breathing hard now. His features are arranged in fiery scowl, and she knows he means every word of it. It's everything he's ever wanted to say to her, but never felt like she was strong enough to hear it. Or maybe he wasn't brave enough to say it before. Either way, it's out there now, between them.

She grits her teeth, angry at him for assuming such horrible things about her - for ridiculing her concern for him and turning it into something trivial.

"I don't want you to be Stefan," she spits out, her eyes blazing.

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you to be you! The best _you _you can be," she says, frustrated now. "I want you to want to be better."

"And why would I want that?" he asks sarcastically.

"Because I know you only act out because you hurt. You would be happier if you didn't torture yourself this way-"

"Wrong," he interrupts her. "Again, you confuse me with my brother. Self-punishment and brooding is not my thing."

"Fine! Because it matters to _me,_" she cries out, finally. She almost adds "Are you happy now?" but thinks better of it. She expects a reaction out of him, but he looks unmoved.

"And why should that matter to _me?_" he asks, almost nonchalantly.

She falters at that, not having expected such a non-reaction. This was Damon, she was talking to. He was an ass, but he never gave up a chance to remind her how much he cared, if only through shameless flirting. He was always... _there_. She's never expected him not to be.

"Because..." she says, feeling uncertain."We're friends. You care about me."

He smirks.

"I care about a lot of things, Elena. Doesn't mean I'm going to be jumping through hoops for them."

She briefly considers telling him that, no, he did NOT care about a lot of things, but then falters because... well, because what if she is wrong? What if her self-centredness has blinded her to the point that she's begun overestimating her importance to him?

In that moment, she realizes she's always taken this for granted, this guarantee that he would just do whatever she asked simply because it was _her _asking. She's always known how to get Damon to see her side of things. She never thought, even when he was dying, that he felt differently. That maybe he did those things to humour her, not because he really wanted to.

She feels the fight slipping away from her. She isn't quite sure what to say. But there is one truth - if she dare bring up that night - that makes sense of everything. That makes it real. She feels him watching her and glances at him through the corner of her eyes. He's staring at her smugly, his eyes daring her to say it. And so she does.

Throwing back her shoulders, she looks up at him, straight into his eyes: "because you _love me." _She emphasizes the last part, hoping it's enough to get him to back down. She sounds more confident than she feels.

He cocks his head to the side, considering this. If he's shocked to hear her finally say it, he doesn't show it. Instead, he comes closer, and says: "What makes you so sure?"

She swallows. "You told me," she frowns. "You said you did." Her voice wavers a little bit. She hopes he doesn't hear it, but he does. She looks away.

There's a predatory gleam in his eyes. "But I'm a _liar,_ aren't I?" the words roll off his tongue in a soft hiss, and she feels them even after he's stopped talking.

"I- no," she whispers, looking up at him. His eyes have become strikingly blue again. The red is gone, and up close, he looks more beautiful than ever before. She reaches up a hand to touch his cheek, to trail her fingers along his soft skin. She wipes away the blood on his face with her thumb, removing any signs of his earlier transgression. He looks perfect again.

"I know you love me, Damon," she says softly. After a moment of hesitation, she adds: "Don't you?"

"Does it really matter?" he asks, curious.

"Of course, it matters," she says. "How could it not?"

He shrugs, but says nothing. After a moment's silence, she asks again.

"Do you?" she sounds uncertain now; vulnerable. Her hand drops to her side and she searches his eyes, but finds no answer. He considers her for a minute, before leaning in. His face is just in front of hers, close enough for her to feel the warmth of his lips, and smell the musk of his cologne.

"Why do you even have to hear me say it?" he's throwing her own words back at her, but there's no cruelty in them. Just irony. She doesn't say anything, just stares.

He smiles, and brings a hand up to caress her cheek, threading it through her hair. His other hand is on elbow, making circles with feathery touches. She stands rooted to the spot, afraid to breathe, lest it break this beautiful moment of theirs.

"If I said I love you, I'd want to kiss you," he says softly. "I'd want to take you out on dates, parade you around town as my own. I'd want to make you smile and laugh, and then I'd want to bring you home at night, and make love to you till dawn," he says, the passion building in his voice with every word. She feels his warm breath on her face, and she shivers because a large part of her wants nothing more than everything he's just described.

"But I don't get to do that," he says, stepping back. "So you don't get to hear me say _it._" His eyes are hard again, blazing, and he all but hisses out the last part. His fingers dig painfully into her arm, and when she moans, he pushes her away.

They stay silent for a while, looking away from each other, lost in their own thoughts. Finally, he slumps back against a wall, picks up a drink from a nearby table, and takes a swig.

"Why can't you just leave me alone, Elena?" he sighs.

She swallows thickly. "I can't," she whispers in a small voice.

"Why?" he demands.

She hesitates. "I- I believe in you," she croaks out, though it is only half the truth.

He takes a final swig and puts his glass down on the table. Pushing himself off the wall, he says: "Not good enough. Try again. Why?"

She frowns. "What do you mean, 'why'? I care about you!"

"_Not_ good enough." His voice is firm and for the first time that evening, she steps back from him, suddenly wanting to leave him alone like he'd asked.

"Why do you keep coming back, Elena?" he demands, and she looks at him in distress.

"I- I-" she stutters, like a deer caught in headlights. She has no idea what to say. They both know why.

"You know why," she whispers, not ready to give up just yet. He stares at her hard, not saying anything. She can feel the anger building up inside of him, and it scares her.

"I-" she tries again, but the words are stuck in her throat. Why does she keep going back? She wonders. She just does. Every time Damon does something stupid, she's there, cleaning up his mess, trying to clean _him _up in the process. Why does she care? She knows why, but she isn't sure she can put words to it. She doesn't understand it enough to explain it to him.

Elena knows what he wants to hear, but she can't give it to him. Not when she isn't sure if it's real. And she doesn't want to lie to him. He's always wanted it to be real, so that's all she's willing to give. Honesty.

"I just-" she starts again, but he cuts her off.

"You can't say it," he states flatly. His tone bears finality, as if it's a fact.

It is.

She shakes her head. "Not yet," she admits.

_Yet._

He gives her the tiniest of smirks and steps back. Straightening up his jacket, he starts moving away from her. She looks at him with a mixture of confusion and sadness.

"Well then," he says, nodding at her. "Come find me when you can."

With that, he turns on his heel, and beings walking away. He walks like a human would, choosing not to use his vampiric speed to disappear. She's convinced this must be his special brand of torture because her heart hurts as she watches him leave.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>Well, there you have it! My second Delena story! I'm really getting inspired by them lately - they are my new Draco/Ginny (though, no one can replace D/G, ofc). Once again - **PLEASE READ AND REVIEW!** _As a writer, it's really nice, flaterring, and reassuring to have someone review my work - even if it's a simple "good job", I really appreciate it when you guys do it - other than the good karma coming your way, you'll also get a better chapter next time! ;) _

I really like this piece because I tried to write it as realistically as possible. I know Elena is not going to be jumping in bed with Damon or even admitting her feelings to him any time soon, and I know he's not going to turn into Stefan 2.0 either (and I don't want him to!). I think Delena need to have this talk, where he needs to tell her how she feels and she needs to see that she can't always take him for granted or keep pushing him because some day, he might just leave.

Anyways, please **read and review! and I will love you forever! **

**xoxo**

**LE3**


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Caroline kneels beside her father, watching his wound heal as she tries to contain her rage. Her red, enraged eyes refus to calm down, and her fangs won't recede. She is so _furious _with Damon at the moment, she could kill him.

_How DARE he, _she seethes. This isn't just another one of his victims. This is her _father. _No matter what's happened between them, no matter how much he has threatened her or Damon, he had no right to hurt him. And do it behind her back!

She scoffs in disgust, looking away. Beside her, her father sits up, his would fully healed.

"Thank you, Caroline," he says, not quite meeting her eyes.

She looks at him for a moment. "You're welcome, daddy," she replies quietly. They stare at each other for a moment before she sighs and helps him up.

He nods at her, not quite sure what to say. What does one say after he threatens his daughter and then has his life saved by her? He chooses to say goodbye.

"I'll see you later, Caroline," he says, walking out of the room. She watches him walk out, tears of hurt brimming her eyes. After a few minutes, she leaves the library, intending to head home, when she spots Elena, leaning against a wall, crying silently.

Caroline frowns and put a hand on her shoulder, her eyes questioning silently. Elena looks at her and shakes her head, saying nothing.

She leans forward and hugs Elena. And they cry together, like sisters, like two souls in the same pain.

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><p>A little while later, they are in Caroline's bedroom, getting ready for a sleepover. Tyler had come down to talk to Caroline before they'd left the Lockwood's, but she had sent him back upstairs, promising to call him the next day. He'd given her a sweet kiss when they said their goodnights, and Elena had felt a strange pang of loss as she watched them together. Now, it's just the two of them on her bed - two lost girls, trying to make sense of their lives.<p>

"Why were you crying?" Caroline asks her suddenly, after a stretch of silence.

She shrugs, not wanting to get into the details. "I just... Damon," she says lamely.

Caroline snorts, her face twisting in distaste. "Yeah, I'll believe that."

She looks at her friend then, remembering her rage-filled eyes back at the Lockwood's. It disturbs her that someone as sweet as Caroline can have so much anger inside her. If this is how Caroline feels, she wonders how Damon deals with all the heartbreak that seems to follow him around.

"I'm sorry for what he did to your dad," Elena says quietly, hoping to pacify the situation. "It... shouldn't have happened."

Caroline looks away, shaking her head. "You shouldn't apologize for him, Elena," she says bitterly. "He's an asshole. I've learned that by now."

Something about the dislike in Caroline's saccharine voice bothers her. She doesn't want her friends to feel this way about Damon... she wants them to see the good in him - the random bouts of kindness, the sweet friend who held her hand as she cried, the protective man who would do anything to save her... It feels like a personal insult, having Caroline be so distasteful of him.

She turns to her friend tentatively. "Look," she says, trying to find the right words. "I know- I know he hasn't been the best person to you, and what he did tonight was SO wrong, on so many levels. What he did to Bill wasn't right, but... neither was Bill. Car, your father threatened to drive a_ stake through his heart_ if he didn't leave the town. He didn't start this fight," she hears her voice get defensive towards the end, and cringes, hoping Caroline doesn't pick up on it.

But she does. And she is angry.

"Are you serious?" she exclaims, getting off the bed. "Elena, in case you've forgotten, this is the same man who _abused _me when I was a human. He took advantage of me, and I forgave him because I thought he was sincere when he apologized. But this time, it's not just me. He hurt my dad. It's too much. I can't keep forgiving him. He's never going to change."

"But he didn't start this, Caroline! I'm not asking you to forgive him, I'm asking you to _understand. _He did it for you, for himself, for all of us! How he did it was wrong, but the fact of the matter is, Car, your dad isn't a saint."

Caroline shakes her head, throwing her hands up, and she paces away. "Oh my God," she says, her eyes bulging. "Are you even _listening _to yourself? You're _defending _him! WHY are you always defending him? After everything he's done!"

"What do you mean?" Elena says defensively. "I'm just trying to keep the peace. I'm so close to both you, I don't want to see you fight. Too many people are hurt already, Caroline, I just don't want to see anyone else get hurt, I can't..."

"Well, my dad is hurt!" she throws at her.

"He tortured you!" Elena cries out. "Look, I can't sympathize with him. I'm sorry. He might be your father, but you're my best friend, and I can't quite forgive him for what he did to you."

"It doesn't matter," Caroline almost shouts. "It was my problem to deal with, not yours or Damon's. He should _never _have done that."

They are both angered and frustrated now, trying to get the other to understand.

"And I already said I was sorry for him! What more do you want from me?" she says angrily.

"Why are you even apologizing for him? It's _his mess. _Let him fix it! God, Elena, I wish you would just admit it!" Caroline throws her hands up, frustrated.

"Admit what?" she says, confused.

"That he's gotten under your skin! No matter what Damon does, no matter who he hurts, he's always going to come out on top," comes Caroline's heated reply.

"That's not true," Elena says, shaking her head. She looks distressed, her forehead creased.

"Oh, please. He killed your brother, and you're STILL friends with him. If that's what you guys call it," Caroline says snidely, and Elena feels angrier than she had felt with Damon.

"What about you and Bill?" she counters. The other girl looks stricken, but Elena goes on. "Why are YOU letting him off the hook if he tried to KILL you? Doesn't that matter? Doesn't it _bother _you that your own father would torture-"

"Don't you think it does?" Caroline shouts, advancing on her. "Don't you think it _hurts_ me every day to know what he did? To _relive _it? I was his always his little girl," she's crying now, and her breath hitches with every word. "I was- I love him so much. I always thought my Mom didn't care about me and hated me for being a vampire, but last night, _she _was the one who saved me from _him, _and... nothing makes sense to me anymore," she whispers the last part, and sinks to the floor, holding her head in her hands.

Feeling a stab of guilt, Elena sits down beside her, holding her friend as she cries. _This is horrible, _she thinks. _Why did I say those terrible things?_

Shaking her head, she holds Caroline tighter, praying this night won't get worse.

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>First of all, let me thank all the amazing people who have commented not only on this story, but also my other story "Impossible" - thank you so much! I really appreciate all your reviews and kind words. You inspire me to keep doing this and pushing forward and writing!

This chapter was bit of a chore getting out, mostly because I haven't written anything other than D/E interaction till now, and I really wanted to make it realistic. I fear, I've gone a bit OOC on the characters in this chapter - forgive me, but for the sake of the story, it had to be done.

Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! I love reading them, and once again, thanks in advance for taking the time!

xoxo  
>LE<p> 


	3. Chapter 3

Some time later, they sit on the floor, leaning against the bed, each lost in their own thoughts. Their faces are sombre, sticky with dried tears, and their minds laden with worries most eighteen year olds wouldn't even be able to fathom.

Elena is the first one to break the silence: "I'm sorry, Caroline," she says, turning to her friend. "I shouldn't have said that. It was out of line. I just- I'm sorry."

Caroline gulps beside her, nodding.

"It's okay," she whispers. "I know my dad isn't exactly friendly when it comes to vampires, and he _did_ threaten Damon, I know that..." she trails off, not quite sure what she wants to say. "I just wish he didn't hate us so much. I wish he could see that I was still me, you know? He says he could never hate me, but I see it - every time he looks at me, he's disappointed. He's ashamed," her breath hitches at the last word, and she feels tears sliding down her cheeks.

Elena puts an arm around her and draws her close, rubbing her shoulder. "Shh," she says. "It's okay. I know it must hurt..."

And she does. After all, who better to understand? Her own biological parents had never been around, and when she finally had met her mother, she turned out to be a cold-hearted bitch, who ultimately saved her life. John... her father... she spent her life hating him, only to feel her heart break when he died. So, if there's one thing Elena Gilbert gets, it's complicated parents.

"But he loves you," she goes on. "At end of the day, the best thing you can do is forgive him, and move on."

Caroline nods and sighs. Wiping her tears, she lifts her head up from Elena's shoulder. "Is that what you're doing?" she asks curiously. She's been wanting to ask her this all week, but had refrained, not wanting to push the issue too soon. She had thrown it at her in the heat of the moment earlier, but she really is concerned. _What __is __going__ on __with__ Elena __and__ the Salvatores?_

Elena frowns. "What do you mean?"

"With Stefan..." Caroline explains. "Is that what you're doing - moving on from him?"

She thinks about it for a moment, never having actually considered that as an option. Ever since Stefan had blown into her world a year ago, her life has been consumed by him and their relationship - everything revolved around them and the inevitable supernatural drama that just seems to follow them everywhere. And now that he is gone, she isn't really sure what she is supposed to do. She has never really thought this far. Hell, she's never thought she would survive to see this day. How is she supposed to plan anything?

"I don't know," she replies after a moment's deliberation. "I guess I haven't really thought about it yet."

Caroline nods before continuing. "What about... Damon?" she asks carefully, watching her friend from the corner of her eye. Elena stiffens at the mention of his name, frowning.

"What about him?" she says defensively, not wanting to get into another argument.

"Look Elena, I'm sorry about earlier, but as your friend, and as someone who worries for you daily, I just want to know... what is the deal with you two? I mean, you spend all this time together, he's at your house all the time or you're at his, and now he's making your cry... And despite all of that, you protect him. Every time. Even back when Stefan was around."

Elena looks like she is about to protest, so Caroline holds hand up. "No, listen, hear me out," she says before continuing. "We all know he's crazy about you - I think he'd _kill_ anyone who tries to get to you, to be honest - and that's great and all, but how do _you _feel? Now that Stefan is gone..." Caroline leaves the sentence hanging in the air, waiting to see what she will say.

"Car, it's not like that," Elena says, earnestly. When Caroline gives her a "are you kidding me?" look, she concedes: "Okay, I don't know how it is. I mean, I just got out of this whirlwind of a relationship, and I'm not even sure if I'm even over it yet - actually, scratch that, I am NOT over it. How could I be? It's only been a week! A big part of me still loves and misses Stefan every day."

She sighs, pulling her legs in and resting her chin on her knees. "And Damon... he's just Damon. I can't quite explain it. He's my ex-boyfriend's brother and he's an ass, but he's also an amazing friend. He's loyal, he's honest, he _cares_, so much that he spends most of his time hiding it, and we have this- this thing between us that I can't explain. I don't know how to even go there with him. I mean, what does one say, really, after everything that we've been through?"

Caroline looks at her, her lips quirking. "Maybe... 'I like you' would be a good start?"

Elena lets out a small laugh. "Yeah. Imagine that."

She tries to think of sitting down with Damon and talking about their feelings. Somehow, she can't imagine him pouring his heart out to her. It's taken him nearly dying for him to tell her he loves her. But she can't judge, really. She's done the same and much worse when it comes to him. And that is the problem - they keep hurting each other. How is that a good foundation for any relationship?

"He came to me once, you know," she says conversationally. "It was the night Katherine came back to town. I guess they'd had a run-in with each other and he was so angry, and so, _so _wrecked."

She feels a sadness wash over her as she thinks of that night. Everything had changed then. Their simple, flirty, bordering-on-inappropriate relationship had took a tumble off a cliff, and she was left with a broken heart and a cup full of hate.

"He was sitting on my bed when I found him. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked so _desperate_, but I couldn't..." she breaks off, shaking her head. "He told me there was something going on between us, that I was in denial, too blind to see it. I was so scared that he was going there, and even more afraid that it might not all be his imagination. And when he kissed me, I just freaked out. I- I told him that I would never love him, that it was always going to be Stefan."

Tears brim her eyes, and she sniffs to hold them back. "He got so angry... and then he killed Jeremy. Just like that. Thank _God _for that stupid ring..."

"Oh my God," Caroline gasps, putting an arm around her. "I had no idea. Why didn't you ever tell me?"

Elena looks away, frowning. "That's the thing, Caroline," she says, sadly. "I've never told anyone, not even Stefan. I never told him why Damon and I were fighting that night, and he never asked. I think, deep down, he knew. I think he's always known."

"Why didn't he ever say anything to you?" Caroline asks carefully.

She lets out a bitter laugh. "Because he loves his brother more. And I can't really fault him for it."

They sit in silence after that, mulling the conversation over in their heads. A few minutes later, Elena sniffs and goes on: "But it's like you said. I forgave him that, just like I've forgiven him everything else. Even tonight, after he bit your dad, and everything... I've already forgiven him. No matter what he does, I keep forgiving him and defending him. I just... I can't seem to let him die. The silly thing is, I don't want to," she confesses, her voice straining painfully as she voices thoughts she has never admitted to anyone before, not even herself.

Caroline watches her sympathetically. "Do you love him?" she asks.

Elena bites her lip, eyebrows drawn together. "I don't know," she says, feeling more confused than ever. "He doesn't think I do. All those months ago, I told him it was always going to be Stefan, but now I realize that it's... not," she cries, and those words hurt more to say than anything else. "It's just not true, not anymore."

Unable to hold them back any longer, she lets her tears fall, crying silently as Caroline hugs her tight. "It's okay," she murmurs in her ear. "It's going to be okay."

Holding on to her tighter, Elena cries like she hadn't in months. Everything is falling apart. Stefan is gone. She is alone, and she misses him so much, it hurts. But it hurts even more to think that he isn't the one, and that's where her mind has been wandering ever since she's come back from Chicago. With every night that passes, she struggles to hold on to the good memories, blocking out all their fights, all the times she's felt stifled or annoyed. She tries to hold on to Stefan because if she doesn't, what else did she have? She cries harder at the thought. After losing her parents, Jenna, John... even Isobel's death has left its mark on her. The only thing that holds her together these days are her memories of Stefan, and _Damon_.

Damon. She has tried so hard and _so __long_ to block him out of her heart. She's cut him with words, refused to even acknowledge this thing between. Hell, she's gone as far as trying to cut him out of her life, but she can't. Even when he does his worst. There is always something that makes her forgive him, to pull him back into her life. And somehow, after all this push and pull between them, he's sneaked his way into her heart, and now she can't ignore him any longer. He is always _there,_ more so now that his brother is gone. Ever the loyal friend and trusty protector. _Saviour. _But now, after tonight, he's gone. For the first time in their relationship, he is the one walking away, and she doesn't know how to deal with that.

Pulling away from Caroline, she sits up, stretching against the soft mattress. They climb onto the bed, and lie down, staring at the ceiling. The softness of the mattress feels like heaven after the day they've had. They are both exhausted - physically and emotionally.

Fingering the duvet cover, Elena speaks again. "We had a fight today. And I don't think I'm going to be seeing him for a while."

Caroline looks at her quizzically. "What happened? It couldn't have been just about my father..."

"No," she says, shaking her head slightly. "It was... a long time coming. He felt like I was trying to turn him into Stefan to fill that hole in my life, and I- well, that's _not_ what I was trying to do. It's just that whenever I look him at like this, it hurts me because I know he can be better, you know? It hurts me when he goes on these self-destructive rages," she says. She doesn't want to admit that her friends' disapproval is also part of her problem.

"You care about him," Caroline says softly.

She nods. "Yeah. I do. And he cares too, you know? He just wants me to admit it to him, and I couldn't tonight. I keep thinking that it should feel wrong, to care about Damon this way when he's the reason Stefan had to go away. That it should matter that he's my ex-boyfriend's brother, that he killed my brother, and force-fed me blood." _More __than __once,_ but she doesn't add that part.

"But it doesn't?" Caroline hazards a guess.

She shakes her head. "No. It feels _natural._ Disturbingly so. And I know, I've always cared about Damon because really, there's no other explanation for our continued acquaintance. But now that Stefan is gone, it feels more real. I can't ignore it anymore, and that scares me," she admits softly.

Caroline mulls over her words for a minute. "Can I give you some advice?" she says to her friend.

"_Please_," Elena sighs.

Turning on her side, Caroline looks at her. "Stop thinking so much."

Elena snorts. "That's your advice? I can't stop thinking about him. That's my problem."

"I know," she replies. "Trust me on this one. When Matt said he never wanted to see me again, I felt like I was going to drown. I loved him more than any other boy I've ever met, and he just rejected me and walked out of my life. Hell, he STILL refuses to talk to me, and we've been living in the same town all summer.

"When we first got together, it was the sweetest thing I had ever had. Once he got over you, he fell into me, and he loved me. And I wanted nothing more than to please him. But then, _Katherine _happened, and everything changed. I was lying to him all the time, and I was hurting both of us in the process. It just couldn't survive that way, but I didn't realize that until much later," she sighs.

"Anyway, the point is, it took me a while to get over Matt, even after I realized that he wasn't going to come back to me. So, don't feel bad if you need more time. You just lost what you thought was the love of your life. Of course, you need time. You're allowed." Caroline smiles at her reassuringly, and she feels a surge of warmth in her chest.

"Thank you," she says, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "I needed that."

"Anytime," Caroline winks. With that, she turns around to turn off the lights when Elena speaks again: "Car, can I ask you something else?"

"Of course," she replies, shifting back.

"About Tyler... how did-" Elena struggles to find the right words. "Didn't it feel weird, dating Tyler. I mean, him and Matt were practically attached at the hip before.." she looks away, embarrassed.

Caroline says nothing for a moment, and she fears she has pried too much. "Sorry," she begins to say, but the other girl cuts her off.

"No, I was just thinking." She takes a deep breath and begins explaining. "Tyler and I - it's different. I've been with him through the whole werewolf thing - I mean, I practically held his hand when he was transforming. And he's always known about me. I've never had to hide myself or pretend when I'm with him, and even when I was still in love with Matt, it always seemed right for me to be around Tyler, and to help him.

"You know, for the longest time, Matt thought we were hooking up, but we weren't. I didn't pay much attention to my feelings about Tyler back then, especially because I was so wrapped up in Matt, but after the whole Jules-kidnapping thing, I felt so _betrayed_. I mean, here was a guy I shared my deepest secrets with, I was completely vulnerable with him, and I thought he would never hurt me... but he did. And then, when he left town, it hurt even more. He didn't even bother to say goodbye, and I thought we were more than that." She shrugs, her eyes watering up as she thinks of those painful memories.

"But then he came back, and I realized I had missed him so much. And try as I might, I couldn't hate him," she smiles wryly. "To answer your question in your own words: I know it should probably bother me that I jumped from Matt to his best friend, but it doesn't. Their relationship isn't the same anymore, and I know I'm part of the reason, but it's not my burden to bear. Matt and Tyler chose to keep their secrets, and Matt chooses to be mad at us, and as much as I wish it were otherwise, it's not. I still love Matt, but I'm okay not being with him now. And I don't regret being with Tyler - I'm happier than I've ever been. Well, his crazy mom aside," she giggles, adding the last part.

Elena smiles at that. "Well, at least I don't have to worry about that."

"No, you don't. And you," Caroline pokes her and adds: "You don't have to worry about your would-be boyfriend accidentally biting you and killing you!"

She giggles at that, and suddenly, an image of Damon biting her in bed fills her mind. Blushing, she pushes it out of her head. "Okay," she says, breathing deeply.

"Okay?" Caroline asks confused, and she nods in return.

"I'm going to be okay. Thank you, Car. Really," she says, leaning forward to give her friend a tight hug.

Caroline hugs her back and says: "Anytime, sweetie. And thank _you. _I really needed that talk too." She smiles and turns to switch off the lights. "Ready for bed?" she asks over her shoulder.

"More than ready," Elena sighs and gets under the covers.

The lights go off and the girls snuggle into the covers, quickly falling asleep.

And for the first time that week, Caroline doesn't dream about being tortured, and Elena has not a thought about Stefan.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's<strong>** Note:**Thank you to everyone who reviewed last chapter and read this one - I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter is going to have some Delena interaction, so hold tight! =)

And **PLEASE REVIEW!** I love hearing what you think about this story and the show in general :)

xoxo  
>LE<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4  
><strong>

The next morning, Caroline and Elena sit on the porch of the grill, nursing coffees and faint headaches. The previous night's drama has taken it's toll on them, and at the moment, the girls want nothing more than to sit quietly under the morning sun and enjoy the warmth. Even Caroline, naturally averse to the sun, can't bring herself to move.

After a quiet 15 minutes of enjoying their coffee and croissants, Elena speaks up.

"I've decided that I'm going to have to figure this out, sooner rather than later," she says slowly.

Caroline looks at her, surprised. "Oh?" she says, an eyebrow raised.

Elena nods. "Yes. After everything we've been through, I owe Damon an answer. Even if it's a simple 'no'. I've been cowardly, hiding from it for so long, and it's just not good for any of us anymore."

Caroline smiles sadly at her. "I think you're right, Elena." She reaches forward to squeeze her friend's hand. "I know you're going to make the right choice for you. And no matter what happens, you know that I'm always going to be here for you. We all will be. Well, Bonnie might take a while to come around," she adds jokingly. "But she WILL come around, and we'll still be your friends."

She smiles thankfully at the blonde. "Well, my family," she winks and clinks her coffee cup to Caroline's in a mock toast. "Here's to the future."

"I'll drink to that!"

They both sip in some more Columbian express, and stare out at Mystic Falls.

* * *

><p>A little while later, Elena goes home. The house is empty. Jeremy is no doubt out there hanging out Bonnie somewhere. Last she'd heard, they were trying to "work on their friendship". Elena hoped they would be able to come to a good place, eventually. She hated seeing her brother and her best friend hurting so much.<p>

Putting her keys in the bowl by the door, she walks inside, dropping her purse at the kitchen table. The sun filters through the windows, warming up the counters, and she can't help but recall the previous morning, when she'd been here with Damon, cooking chilli and laughing. The memory makes her wish he was here again, making her laugh and taking all her troubles away. He was always so _good _at that...

Shaking her head, she downs a glass of water and puts in the sink, before heading upstairs. Alaric is nowhere to be seen, so she heads into her bedroom and plops down on her bed with a sigh. Her teddy bear stares at her with his perpetually kind face, and she draws him close, hoping to get some comfort as her mind runs thousand miles an hour.

_Damon or Stefan? Damon or Stefan? _runs through her head in a loop.

_No! No Stefan! _she reminds herself. _He isn't a choice anymore, remember! He's cold and he's a ripper, and I... I don't hate him. _She sighs unhappily. Was she doomed to be forever in love with him?

_But what if he WAS a choice? Would you still consider Damon? _a voice replies in her head, and she ponders that for a moment, wondering.

Would she still love, no scratch that, LIKE Damon even if Stefan was around? Her face settles in a frown.

Yes. The easy answer was 'yes' because she had liked Damon from the moment she had met him, before she found out he was sometimes psychopathic murder who drank blood to live. He was... exciting. And charming and kind when he wanted to be. He was caring and considerate in ways you would _never_ think he could be given his "bad boy" image. And most of all, he loved Elena. He loved her, and he respected her, but he didn't bow down to her will.

As much as she loved Stefan, she sometimes wished he would defy her. That he would say no and do what he wanted instead. But Stefan - _her _Stefan, not the horrendous monster that was running around now - would never say no to her. She knew it made to no sense, but she preferred Damon's spirited fights over Stefan's compliance to everything she wanted.

But the thing about Damon was that... even after he had killed her brother and force-fed her blood and committed god knew how many other atrocities, she couldn't shake him. She briefly wondered if he had compelled her at one point to fall in love with him, to become drawn to him because that seemed a pretty good explanation for why Elena kept going back to him.

_Caroline was right, _her mind tells her. _No matter what he does, it's always Damon._

_But then what about Stefan? Can you really dishonour his memory by dating his BROTHER? Do you really care about Damon THAT MUCH that you would be willing to throw away any future chance of being with Stefan?_

Damon had told her that Stefan went through these phases regularly. That his ripper state would fade out eventually, he would come back to his senses, and probably come back begging for forgiveness. But how long that would take... well, that was anyone's guess. Did she really want to put her life on hold for a hope of Stefan?

_**No. **_She told her mind firmly. _I will not waste my life on a ghost from my memory. I will not put my life on hold and forget to live because my boyfriend left me. I won't be that girl._

"_You're a beautiful girl, Elena. You don't have to settle. Life is out there, waiting for you. Don't be scared to take it." _Her mom's voice rings through her head, and she feels comforted by it.

_But what if... what if Damon messes up again or goes on one of his rages? What if...? _Her mind comes up with all the horrible possibilities that could happen if Damon ever gets pissed off again and what it would mean for her.

She sighs, giving up. She wasn't going to solve this problem in a day.

Getting up, she grabs her computer, and opens up the internet browser. The search engine logo stares back at her, and she has an idea. Laughing at her pathetic attempt for clarity, she types in her question: "WHAT TO DO IF YOU LOVE TWO PEOPLE?" and hits enter.

The page comes back with a list of random yahoo answers and a quotes page at the bottom. She clicks the last link.

_"**If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, then you wouldn't have fallen for the second."**_

**- Johnny Depp.**

The quote fills her screen with big bold letters, and she sits in stunned silence for a moment, before bursting out laughing.

_Oh, the irony. _Life never stops surprising her.

She closes her laptop with a snap, and hops off her bed, heading outside.

It was going to be a loooooong day

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>** The story is almost coming to an end! I think one more chapter (two at most) and it will be done! *tears of happiness* lol. I know the Johnny Depp quote is a little sappy, but I really think it's so appropriate for Elena and Damon's situation.**

**Anyway, please READ AND REVIEW! The more you bug me, the more likely I am to update :P lol  
><strong>

**Also, please check out my new story "Heartbeat". It's based on season 4 delena and will be updated with the episodes.  
><strong>

**xoxo  
><strong>

**LE.  
><strong>


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